Existential Crisis

One of the key themes in the Taren Phillips book series is the struggle that women go through, especially when they hit their 40s. The process goes something like this:

Start: Age & Life Expectancy

• "I’m X age. Life expectancy is X."

  
  

Shock & Realization

• "Gasp! I don’t have a lot of time left."

  
  

Reflection on Accomplishments

• "I haven’t accomplished everything I want to do in life."

• "Have I squandered the years that I’ve already lived?"

  
  

Comparison with Expectations

• "I thought I’d be further along with my finances, career, family, etc. than where I’m at today."

  
  

Doubt About Time

• "Do I have enough time left to do what I want to do?"

  
  

Identifying Desires

• "What do I want to do?"

  
  

Self-Reflection on Change

• "Is it too late to redirect?"

  
  

Fear of Aging Out

• "Have I aged out?"

• "Is this all there is for me?"

  
  

Questioning Values

• "Do the things I thought mattered really matter?"

  
  

Purpose & Meaning

• "What purpose do I serve?"

Ladies, this is called a mid-life crisis. Women don’t process this phase like men do. We don’t go out and buy a brand new sports car or trade our spouses in for newer models, but we sure take an honest look at our lives and often despair that we’re not where we want to be in life. We analyze things, endlessly analyzing until we're in a tight knot we can't seem to untie.

The place where we get stuck is usually in the looking back. It’s okay to assess our past and lament our bad choices and actions, but that is never a place we should remain. Let's acknowledge any errors or missed chances, learn from them, and move forward. If we are so fixated on what is behind us, we waste precious time reaching for what is in front of us.

When we look at what’s in front of us, we must decide what is important and that will help inform what’s next. For me, it was determining what and who I wanted to be. In full transparency, I enjoyed being a big shot. I enjoyed having a big title, and I liked the money. But I found those are fickle bed fellows. Here today and gone tomorrow. They mean absolutely nothing in the scheme of things. They don’t bring lasting happiness.

When I imagine myself at the end of life, I ask if how I spent my days made a mark on this world while I occupied space in it? If I answer that question today and the answer is “no”, then it’s time to assess. What’s important and who do I want to be? I wouldn’t even ask “what I want to be” because by answering the previous two questions, I believe it will inherently bring you to the answer.

This is what I found. Living a life that honors God and being present for my family is most important; making sure they know I cherish them, and I am pouring all that I am into them. You’ll recall that Taren struggled with knowing if her mother really loved her. My family will never, ever need to consider that question because they will know without a doubt that it is so.

Expressing my creativity is also important. It feeds my soul. We all do this in different ways. For me, it is traveling, writing stories that others enjoy reading, and creating beautiful, transformative online learning experiences for others. I do all these things. I don’t make a tremendous amount of money doing them, but that’s not what matters. I have a job that helps me afford to do the things I love and for now, that’s good enough. Maybe one day I’ll make enough from my books and my instructional design business to do them exclusively. Maybe I’ll always do them as beloved side projects. Who knows? Only God does and I’ll leave my future destiny in His capable hands.

One thing I learned by looking back was that I spent way too much time worrying, considering the “what ifs” rather than just going for it.

Life is short. Do it. It's never too late. We only limit ourselves by creating imaginary barriers.

The last lesson I learned during my mid-life crisis is to let go of the idea of perfection. We all have a picture of the ideal, but that rarely happens. So, let idealism and perfectionism go! Enjoy the journey and the places it takes you. I think we fixate too much on what should happen that we miss the incredible experiences currently happening right in front of our eyes…and later lament that we missed them!  

If you find yourself in the same place Taren was, facing an existential crisis, take some time to reflect but don’t dwell. Identify what truly matters and who you want to become. Then, seize the opportunity and take action. Release the need for perfection and embrace the journey! The life ahead will be far richer and more meaningful.